Grief; The 5 Stages and How to Work Through Them

Grief is an inevitable part of the vast and complex beauty that is human life, and whether it be sooner or later, we all must live and learn through it. The feeling of grief will always weigh heavy on our minds and in our hearts; it’s all consuming and if left unchecked can drown you in its deep and dark tides. However, while although grief is most notably known as a ‘sad’ emotion, it can also be perceived as a beautiful and uniquely original experience for each and every individual. No two people mourn the same for we all have different experiences, perceptions, and relationships with and from ‘love’ itself. But ultimately, grief is a stepping stone that we all must use in order to grow emotionally and mentally as an ever-changing person. So whether you’re learning or enduring grief for the first time, do know and truly recognize that grief is a long journey because “Only time can truly heal.”

But before we can discuss how to work through and manage grief we must also address and analyze the 5 Stages of Grief. The 5 Stages of Grief are as follows: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. In relation to the passing of a loved one, here are some ways in which each stage can commonly affect a person.

Denial - Denial is the first of the 5 Stage of Grief, and is characterized by being withdrawn and unaccepting of your unfortunate reality. It is not a product of misunderstanding of your present situation, but rather a way for the head and heart to defend itself by not allowing oneself to acknowledge the unimaginable. Common ways that Denial can be seen is through:

• Refusing to accept or acknowledge the death

• Avoiding conversations, places, and people that remind you of the passing

• Stating that what happened is “untrue” and not coming to terms with the current conditions

Anger - Anger tends to manifest as a byproduct of pain, for being hateful is easier than allowing oneself to feel hurt. Although, this may seem to be an ‘inappropriate’ reaction to some, grief is comprised of a vast and complex range of feelings and reactions. Therefore, anger tends to bleed through the cracks of a broken heart. Anger can be sometimes noted through:

• Blaming doctors for their ‘lack’ of medical help

• Blaming family members of the loved one for their ‘lack’ of care

• Feeling angry with oneself and/or higher powers, such as God

• Experiencing short temper and loss of patience

Bargaining - Bargaining is solely based on thoughts and statements such as “What if?” or “If only”. However, there is nothing that you can do to truly fix or mend what has already occurred. All you can take away from these harmful thoughts is what you plan on doing next. Maybe you’ll decide to spend more time with your family and friends or partake in acts of kindness so you can strive to shift your mindset from “What if I had?” to “When I will...” Bargaining can take place in many forms, both literal and spiritual, some are as follows:

• Asking yourself why you didn’t help sooner

• Blaming yourself for not spending more time with them

• Making promises to higher powers, such as God and the Universe

Depression - Depression is the most commonly noted and often longest stage within this healing process. This stage is often felt through periods of immense sadness, feelings of hopelessness, and times of numbness. Although this pain is inevitable there are many ways you can try to alleviate your pain. Some ways include self-care, immersing yourself in your hobbies, and spending time with the people you love. Depression can manifest in many shapes and forms but some ways it can be seen is through:

• Intense feelings of sadness

• Loss of activities you normally enjoy

• Changes in sleep; loss of sleep and trouble sleeping

• Changes in weight due to loss of appetite

• Feeling worthless or guilty

• Decreased concentration

Acceptance - And finally Acceptance; the stage that everyone uses as motivation for the troubling and difficult times you had just previously endured. However, there’s a caveat; just because you have finally “accepted” the passing of your loved one doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t experience these previous stages again. The 5 Stages of Grief should be viewed as a full circle rather than a straight line for grief is never linear; love is what lasts. We all accept things as they are in different ways but some similarities are:

• Feeling like yourself again

• Allowing yourself to feel happy without guilt

• Being able to eat and sleep 

• Finding the light in your life again

Grief is a long and strenuous path that we all must walk eventually. It is full of love, loss, and life and allows you to feel all the emotions that human life has to offer all at once. It is a beautiful, yet cruel experience that we all must endure even when we feel as though we aren’t ready for it. However, life is unpredictable and full of new beginnings, which means letting go of the people you love most in order to continue further growing. And as the ancient Greek philosopher, Heraclitus, once said: “The only constant in life is change”.

Author’s Note: I am not a licensed therapist or counselor. This article is simply based on my own personal experiences with grief and the works cited below. Therefore, if you or someone you know is struggling with grief, please seek help from someone you trust and/or an actual medical professional.

Works Cited: